Culture Is Never an Excuse for Abuse

There is one more difficult subject parents need to discuss with their children: cultural beliefs about women and relationships.

Around the world—and within families and communities—there are still deeply rooted beliefs that place women beneath men. Some people are raised believing that a man has the right to control a woman, discipline her, silence her, slap her, or beat her when she doesn’t behave the way he expects.

Some may even defend that behavior by saying:

“That’s how I was raised.”

“That’s how men in my family are.”

“That’s our culture.”

“That’s just the way things are.”

No.

Culture can explain where a belief came from. It does not excuse abuse.

No tradition gives another human being the right to slap you across the mouth, beat you, intimidate you, control you, or treat you as though you are a second-class citizen.

And think about this: some people would be horrified to see someone kick or beat an animal, yet somehow find a way to justify a woman being struck by the person who claims to love her.

A woman deserves at least the same compassion we expect people to show every living creature—and infinitely more than being treated as someone’s property.

Parents, teach your children to recognize this before they date.

If someone tells your daughter that women are supposed to obey men, that a man has a right to “put a woman in her place,” or that violence is acceptable when a woman disobeys him, that is a warning sign.

And teach your sons that if they were raised around those beliefs, they do not have to carry them into the next generation.

You can respect your heritage without repeating its harmful practices.

You can love your family without repeating everything you witnessed growing up.

You can honor the good things you were taught while having the courage to reject the things that hurt other human beings.

Tradition does not make abuse acceptable.

Religion does not make abuse acceptable.

Family history does not make abuse acceptable.

Culture does not make abuse acceptable.

And being in love with someone does not mean you have to tolerate it.

Whatever your background, whatever language you speak, wherever your family came from, and whatever customs you were raised with, one principle should cross every cultural boundary:

No human being deserves to be abused.

Teach our boys to respect women.

Teach our girls that they are worthy of respect.

Teach all our children to treat the person they love with dignity.

And when an old belief says otherwise, have the courage to be the generation that says:

It stops with us.